i feel like ive spent a large part of this week lost in some alternate dimension where there is nothing except students and teaching and moodle and online forums and email. its like academia is the borg and i have been assimilated, made part of the machine.
i wrote about my all day workshop on my work blog. it was a bit of a shock to the system. with a few days breathing space i can see it wasnt as bad as i thought, but honestly i thought i’d been hit by a truck at the end of the day. my old self craved a bottle of something sticky, russian and alcoholic, but i went for something sweet and american (my favourite combination) instead
you dont need to know how long it took me to inhale that. i spent all day yesterday tied to the computer answering student posts in the forums and re-recording presentations that didnt work on the study day so that they are ready now to do their first assignments. its been a lot of work but i feel better about it now. im on a steep learning curve. thats what you do, learn.
i also got an email at about 2pm yesterday from my head of school letting me know that my position has been formally advertised. im not going to post the link because i dont want anyone else applying for it! but when she told me i got butterflies and broke out in a cold sweat. its being advertised at both my level, and a level above what i’m currently at. i qualify for the higher level (phd being the criteria), so i’m going to apply at that level, which, if i got it, would make me a senior lecturer and bump my pay grade up by about $10,000. if i pass probation in 2 years, it becomes a permanent position, and 2 years after that i can apply for promotion to associate professor. in between all that is the very real possibility of grant and fellowship money and working overseas for a while. or permanently even. it opens up doors i thought were closed to me. it makes me shake my head, just thinking about it. its what i’ve wanted, what i’ve worked so hard for, but never really thought i would get. as rosered said, ‘this shit is getting real’. its a little hard to believe. i have 22 days to put together the application now, then the shortlisting and interview process to get through. i should know by my 45th birthday in october. fingers crossed.
but thats enough about work. there’s been other stuff. like the dogs. i started the week with two of them here, to give poor old possum a break from the puppy
they are so cute together these two, they rumble all the time and it makes me happy to see ricco be able to play with a dog that can handle him, and how gentle he is with her. the last couple of days i’ve had all three
and its like my whole family are here. they drive me crazy though, the backyard is a mess of bones and toys and the floor is covered in possum dust bunnies. they are all going to trents tonight for a few days, which means i can get the house clean, temporarily, before i drive down to canberra tomorrow. i have two blissful days lined up in the war memorial archives for my nursing history research – i’m looking at old nurses diaries trying to trace the impact of war trauma (shell shock/PTSD) on mental health nursing. we will see what i find. i’m looking forward to a couple of days with my long lost friend george and her rapibly growing children. james turned 8 last week. i remember when he was a baby. how time flies.
as if the grey in my hair isnt a constant reminder. i’ve been letting it grow all winter, its really long now, half way down my back. its getting heavy, which means it needs a cut but i like it this long.
this photo was last saturday morning, in the supermarket. i was feeling particularly seedy so i thought wearing my chanel sunglasses would mean no one could see how ragged i looked! its not like i’d been out partying or anything, we just went to the souths v canterbury rugby league game the night before at the olympic stadium.
it was a lot of fun, i havent been to a football game in a while, and this is a great stadium, the crowd were jumping, russell crowe was there, i was with a couple of rabid bunnies fans
im a souths supporter since i was a kid, my dad was from matraville, the heart of rabbit country, both sporting and literally. thats how they got their name, from the wild rabbit catchers in that area. as a footballer, he was a souths junior (historically, all the best players are souths juniors) and i remember my grandma making me a stuffed velvet buuny. there is a photo of me somewhere wearing his jersey, its down to the floor on me. they’ve had a torrid time, the rabbits, but it made my heart swell to see them out there playing so well
and to see so many of them aboriginal or torres strait islanders. i know we rely too much on sport rather than education to improve indigenous life outcomes, but still, there is something special about the ‘black bunnies’, and the atmosphere at the Burrow.
they’re headed to the finals this year. and the fact that its nearly finals times is another reminder of how deep we are into this year, and the fast approaching spring. the days are turning warm, last night i slept with my bedroom window open. the wysteria has bloomed in the messy jungle along the side fence, with that beautiful heavy fragrance
and there are mulberries on the tree outside the kitchen window.
out the front, the magnolia is fast turning to glossy green leaves and the native pollens are about to start getting right up my nose
winter itself hasnt been that cold, one of the warmest on record i think, further evidence of climate change. not much use for the knitted things, generally, but still we persevere. the grey shawl is growing slowly but surely
but i did take a break from it last weekend to cast on something new – the stripey hoody i’ve been dying to start. i got everything ready and was going to do the judys magic cast on that leonie suggested,
but it is such a tight fiddly cast on, and i lost count of stitches so many times, that i ended up dragging out the crochet hook and doing it the old fashioned way
you can see from my rather ragged chain here why i dont crochet. why i hate it with a passion even. but the final result was as intended, with 352 provisional stitches on waste yarn,
knitted up with the main colour in the first row
i’ve stopped there because i actually dont have a super long 3mm cable (i cast it on on 3.5mm) but im happy to have it waiting for when i get back from canberra. it will be a good spring/summer knit. the yarn is lovely and light, and im not in a hurry – it looks like i’m headed for canada and the US from late april of next year, so i wont even need it then. shame really, i wanted to go back sooner (obviously – and i love the snow) but thats when the conferences are and the money for grants and fellowships starts, and when i can organise my teaching here.
provided i have my own job of course. i dont think im going to really relax for the next six weeks, so be patient with me if im a bit crazy (more than usual) in the meantime. its taken me nearly 19 years of clawing my life back to get to this point. i just have to have faith that its all been worth it.
k xx
